The Hardest Year of My Life… But I Showed Up Anyway. ❤️

Long time no see. 😜

Sorry to myself for writing a blog almost after a year… and proud too because at least I am writing today.

It honestly feels like yesterday that I published my last blog post, but somehow an entire year has passed. So much has happened in these months that sometimes I still can’t believe it all happened in just one year.

On my daughter’s birthday last August, I wrote my last blog. I thought I would continue writing regularly like always. Instead, life had completely different plans for me.

The past year tested me in every possible way.

Each of these moments deserves its own blog post, and I promise I’ll share them one by one. But today, I simply wanted to tell you where I’ve been.

It all started with a little relief.

After struggling with my fissure for so long, I finally started feeling better after adding ghee to every meal. Before that, my doctor had almost decided that surgery would be the only option. It was the first time in months that I felt my body giving me a little hope.

Then September arrived.

My mother-in-law came from our village, and at the same time Sachu officially got promoted at his company. I was genuinely so happy for him. He worked day and night for that promotion. I have never dreamed of becoming rich. I have always believed that being present for each other matters more than chasing big things, so seeing his hard work finally pay off made me proud.

But happiness didn’t stay for long.

His allergies suddenly became so severe that one night he couldn’t even breathe properly. Around midnight, Taru Bhau rushed him to the hospital. His oxygen level had dropped because of a chest infection along with a severe allergic reaction. He stayed admitted for three days. Even after coming home, nothing improved quickly. It took nearly two months and finally finding the right doctor before he slowly started becoming himself again.

While all this was happening, I wasn’t feeling like myself either.

I had no interest in anything. I wasn’t living. I was simply surviving.

Something inside me kept saying that this wasn’t just stress, so I got my thyroid and vitamin tests done.

My doubts were right.

Later, more detailed reports showed thyroid issues, severe vitamin deficiencies, anemia, low ferritin, gastritis, Grade 1 fatty liver, borderline cholesterol, and a few more health problems.

During Diwali, I visited one of the best doctors in Saswad. My treatment finally began. Vitamin B12 injections, saline, medicines… slowly, one step at a time.

One strange thing happened too. Whenever I was stressed, my jaw would suddenly lock. I always thought it was because of my wisdom tooth. But after starting treatment, especially the B12 injections, that problem disappeared. Even the pain in my left hand became much better.

For the first time, I realised how many symptoms my body had been silently carrying.

And then there was something nobody really talks about.

Postpartum depression.

People think it disappears after a few months.

Mine didn’t.

Even after two years, I could still feel it.

I was constantly exhausted.

My brain wasn’t braining.

Some days I couldn’t think properly. Some days I didn’t even feel like myself. Everything felt heavy.

Finally, I made one decision.

If nobody else was going to take care of me, I had to start taking care of myself.

Just when I thought life couldn’t become any harder…

it did.

The man who was like a father to me… my uncle… passed away.

Not naturally.

He died by suicide.

Even today, writing those words hurts.

He was always smiling. Always making everyone laugh. I still don’t understand what happened. The guilt of not being there… not being able to save him… and not even getting to see him one last time still stays with me.

But my heart hurts even more for my aunt and my brothers. Learning to live without someone you love that deeply is something I don’t think anyone is ever prepared for.

That loss changed something inside me.

Still…

Every morning my children looked at me with the same innocent smiles.

So I kept reminding myself…

“You have to stay strong.”

“You can’t give up on yourself.”

My health still wasn’t okay.

My mind still wasn’t okay.

But somewhere inside me, I started wanting my old self back.

I wanted to write again.

Then life laughed one more time.

My laptop was giving me trouble, so I was trying to fix it while balancing it on top of the fridge.

That night, after washing clothes, I went downstairs when Sachu came home. The parking area was completely dark. My mind was somewhere else, thinking about everything that had happened over the past months.

I didn’t notice the stone.

One wrong step.

“Katak.”

I’ll never forget that sound.

I tried to stand, but I couldn’t.

My neighbour reached me first. I had to scream for Sachu because I couldn’t even stand on my own.

The next day, I found out I had ligament injuries along with fractures in two places.

Life slowed down overnight.

After getting the plaster, I couldn’t even walk properly. I stayed at a relative’s house for almost a month because I needed help with almost everything.

It’s been nearly two months now.

The fracture is healing.

The swelling is still there.

Some days both my legs still swell.

Recovery is slower than I imagined.

And yet…

Here I am.

Writing again.

My kids haven’t given me even five peaceful minutes while writing this post. As I type these words, I’m also listening to my friend’s phone call.

Life is still messy.

Healing is still happening.

Nothing is perfect.

But today…

I showed up.

And maybe that’s what healing really looks like.

Not having everything figured out.

Just choosing to show up again.

❤️